My life... NOW! :-)

Two months ago, I was on a crossroad. I had to make a decision that would affect a number of things in my life. In my 31 years in this world, this is one of the pain staking decisions I had to make.

When I realized that I was not happy and that means, I will make the people around me miserable, I had to do something to re-align my life. I had to find a deeper meaning and reason in everything that I am doing.

Now, two months have passed and admittedly, I still have not found the deeper meaning I am looking. I still am trying to find my passion in life but I have come to accept that its ok not to know... It's fine to be in this situation... for "Now". In this present moment, life is teaching me something and I have to be open to. I'm trying not to fight it. I really am. It's not easy but I feel I'm learning a lot of things at this moment.

I am an eager beaver. When I want something, I want it now. That works well for some parts of my life but not always. If I ask God that I want to find a deeper meaning in what I do, I don't think He will give it to me as soon as I close my eyes and go into prayer. I accept it more than ever that this is a journey I have to take.

I'm so blessed to have this time to be by myself and enjoy the free time. I have a hard time just staying put and not planning my activities but now, I am learning to be in the "Now". When I am at home and just reading a book, I enjoy it. When I am just sitting down and watching tv, I feel the breeze or the surroundings that I have and i love it. Everyday is a different experience, not the type that I am accustomed to but I need to accept this, before I move on the next chapter of my life. I have to go through it with acceptance and the openness to learn.

People who know me would wonder why I have not lined up my days one activity, class or event after the other. That's who I am. I don't like idleness but being alone and spending time with my family is enough for me for now. I will have time again for all of those but now I am happy spending time alone and in my parents' house.

This free time is not forever! I will miss these times very much when I start working again but I think God knew what I needed at this time in my life and He gave it to me... the purpose, passion and meaning will come as long as I have once again regain and reminded of who I am inside.

Eat Pray Love

I've put off buying an ipod until now. I didn't think I needed it. I was in the office all the time and I can use my computer anyway to listen to music. But now, I don't think I can leave the house alone without it.

Yes, the music keeps me company but what I found as my new companions are the audiobooks! I love reading books but I can't seem find the time to sit down and read. Now, where ever I go, I read (or listen!) as the case maybe.

My walking companion these past few days is Elizabeth Gilbert. In her new book Eat, Pray, Love, she narrates her year of travel all around Italy, India and Indonesia. Her voice is so soothing that I get sucked into the experience that she's telling me about. The way she described the pizza she ate in Naples, Italy made me melt into pieces and wished I was there eating the double cheese margherita pizza with fresh tomato sauce on a thin but gooey crust that just melts in your mouth. Ohhhhh.... That's heaven in a pan!

Her journey from being an unhappy wife to self-discovery enchants me. Her depression and sadness was described beautifully but I still can't fathom how such pain, feeling and thoughts can happen to one person... I get bits and pieces of it from experience but I really am praying I don't experience that much helplessness. I love her adventures though and how she's trying to get out of that rut.

Some of my favorite lines from the book:
SO LOVE HIM. SO MISS HIM.
Stop putting your wishbone where you backbone ought to be.
** I understand this as accepting how you feel at the moment. You don't have to act on everything that you feel but you can acknowledge them.

There are so many more that I can't remember right now but this book is something I would keep on my ipod and keep listening to over and over again.

Ed and Johann's birthday dinner

After listening to The Five Love Languages for Singles, I realized that one of my love languages is Time. Yes, time spent with my loved ones. No matter what we are doing. I really do appreciate the time and effort they extend in spending time with me and the people I love. Now that puts all my feelings into perspective. hahaha! I was confused for a while.

Last Saturday, our friends took time to buy Ed and Johann's gifts all the way in Marikina and they gave them a really fun, nice and memorable dinner in Amalia's Magallanes (yes! They have opened a branch there!).

The food was good... we ordered all three kinds of paella and finished them all. :-)

After dinner, we had dessert as Ms. Melody treated us to everything that we saw in the ref! Hahaha! Too bad there was no Banofee Pie that night. I guess that's why we ordered every cake that we saw. It was one of those nights when the laughter just won't die down, at least for Ed, Johann and Meggy. hahaha!

Pam was there too... She was tired and sleepy after staying out all night in Capone's and going to work early the next day... Despite that, she spent time with us and I appreciate that very much. Drinks followed in Kublai's that night... Relaxed drinking but fun!

Thanks, guys! I know it wasn't my birthday but that night was fun! Thank you!