Break-ups suck! BIG TIME! It does not only make breathing hard and getting out of bed difficult, it also creates a physical pain that makes you realize that it is possible to get your heart and guts ripped to a million little pieces. OK! so I might be exaggerating a bit. The truth is, whether you are the "break-up-er" or the "break-up-ee", the pain of losing a relationship is just the PITS!
So, I just thought that I would try to help ease the pain a bit by my list of what can help. This is based from these three months of heartbreak pain and experience. Remember, as painful as it is, you are now on your own... So you have to find the strength in yourself to stand up and take care of yourself.
What to do?
a. Go out of the country or out of town immediately (of course this is if you have enough funds to do so). Meet up with friends there or bring really good friends along with you. Make sure that these are friends who will listen, let you cry and make you see the silver lining in all of these.
b. Buy books that will help you get through these times. Something to read that will make you get through by learning about yourself, giving you the boost and the energy to move on.SUGGESTION: Get the book "It's Called A Break-Up Because It's Broken". It's a witty book that will help you going through these times. :-) I enjoyed it very much.
c. DO NOT CALL HIM, TEXT HIM or EMAIL HIM! As difficult as it may seem because you're so used to calling him while driving, or telling him how your day went or just asking him what he's doing or if he has eaten... or whatever... DO NOT CALL HIM! If he misses you or wants to talk to you, he will call you. Believe me, if you think he's thinking of you, he's not... so don't call him! Especially if he breaks up with you, he's been thinking about it breaking up with you for sometime already. Thus, he has had a headstart in pulling away from you emotionally. Thus, he is relieved that he's out of that relationship. So, let him be!
Talking to him will just make you miss him and your life together. And then after you talk to him, he will still not want to get back together, it will make you more miserable... BELIEVE ME!
D. DO NOT GO TO PLACES THAT YOU GUYS FREQUENTED. Chances of bumping into him is so much higher if you go back to places that you used to go to a lot. You wouldn't want to bump into him looking like a drab! And, I don't think you would like to be seen breaking down at these places.
AND DO NOT PLAN AN "ACCIDENTAL" BUMPING INTO HIM! It makes you look needy! Even if you look foxy... the main point is, he broke up with you because there's a reason! So even if you look like the hottest thing on earth, there's no reason to go back to a guy or a relationship that's not making you feel good or made you feel like crap and stepped on your self-esteem big time.
E. Exercise... Run or do yoga.... Whatever it is, just get your ass into shape. It gives you a reason to get out of the house and fill up your time. Of course, it helps that you look great when you see yourself in the mirror. Poor guy, he lost a foxy girl in you but more than that, you feel GREAT and look GREAT!
F. CRY! CRY! CRY if you have to... but after a while, get out of bed and make yourself busy. Give yourself time to cry but don't make it more than three weeks. Geez! can you imagine how your eyes will look like?
According to the book and experience, you can choose to grieve for a prolonged time or you can face it now so that it does not prolong the agony. Do you know people who have been pinning about his/ her broken heart for years now? GEEZ! Don't they sound pathetic and like a broken record already? Of course, you don't want to be like them right? So just let it all out now than hiding it and before you know it, 5 years has gone by. OUCH! Besides, you don't want to develop cancer!
G. Have a positive thought first thing in the morning. Waking up in the morning is the toughest part! After opening your eyes, the most painful part is the feeling that there's a void in your heart. The best thing to do is to put a positive thought in your head. The Empowerment Cards of Louis L. Hay helped me a lot. Reading one card in the morning helps me through the day.
H. POST ITs everywhere. My friend Melody started this. She started posting different lines and thoughts all around my condo. From, "Its time for a new Life" on my bathroom mirror to "Ang ganda natin! (we are beautiful)" on my wall... it helps to be reinforced about yourself.
I. Create a vision board! This helped me big time...I thought that I will die after we broke up since my dreams will not come to fruition anymore... but after I finished my vision board, I realized that there are so many things that I want to do and being in this relationship will not bring me there. It does not make my partner a bad person... it just makes our relationship not the most ideal one for me.
J. Be with friends and family. This is the time you have to admit to yourself that you need people to help get back on your feet. They will be more than glad to be by your side. I have a couple of friends who stayed with me overnight to check up on me every hour to make sure I'm ok.
K. Go back to old hobbies and create new ones. List down all the things that you gave up while you were together. It is your time now to make it happen! Start doing them! From painting to volunteering teach under privileged children. The list goes on and on.
L. Change your look... Chang your hair... Take care of yourself. This way when you look in the mirror, you are always reminded that you are a new and better version of you! Or... you are still you but just Hotter! :-)
It's really painful but it's just a matter of helping yourself help your brain to think that this will bring a better you and will just open more doors for you. Give extra attention to your thoughts. If you think good thoughts, your actions will follow.
Remember that the break up happened because there's something wrong in your relationship. You might be two great people but just not together forever. The reason why you were in that relationship has been fulfilled. Move on! Who knows, the new guy that you're supposed to meet might just be waiting for you to get out of the past relationship.
Also, it is time to prepare and take care of yourself so that your next relationship will be better. :-)
Items that have helped:
a. Empowerment cards from Louis L. Hay
b. You Can Change Your Life - Louis L. Hay
c. Stillness Speaks - Eckhart Tolle
d. Moving on Songs
- Details in the Fabric - Jason Mraz
- Someone that I Used To Love
- Better Days - Juice
- Love in on My Way - D' Sound
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