Weekend Review

Another weekend has passed and once again, I wonder, did I do anything good this weekend?

Since I have considered myself as the type to always to do something new, I am more critical now of the way I spend my free time. I guess its mostly because of the fear of being boring now that I have a boyfriend. True, my boyfriend is not the adventurous, let's-go-to-the-mountains type of guy but he can be invited to go to out-of-the-ordinary activities too. I also attribute it largely to comparing myself to a friend of mine who has changed much after being in a relationship.

It bothers me, really, that I am not contented with how I am living my life. I've always told myself that I will live my life in a big way. Nothing boring... always on the move and affecting myself and possibly the people around me. I can't be plain and simple.

Last Saturday, Ed and I went all the way to Los Banos, Laguna to visit a friend of mine from way back, Fr. Dennis Paez. It's very refreshing to see him again. I miss the days when he would feed us with Burger Machine while we work on the different activities of the youth in our parish. Those were my formative years. A time in my life when I started to realize that I could do something for other people and enrich myself int he process.

As the years passed, I have focused more on myself than in helping others. Thus, my travels and self-improvement phase kicked in. That's when I realized that I can be so much better in so many ways. Fr. Dennis instilled that in us, individuality, learning to know yourself amidst the craziness of the world.

Now, I feel a certain void in my life. I know its not something about my relationship or about my job. I'm happy in both aspects of my life. It's more of wanting to do something better with my life. Help other people make their lives better and enriching myself in the process. Now, the trips that I plan and take still excites me but there has to be more to life than just that.

I feel restless again... I'm not sure if its a gift or a curse that I have to be doing something new and exciting all the time. I guess exciting and new is not really the term I should use... It should be something that means to me and will nourish me as an individual.

Last weekend, sitting in the gazebo in Tabor House, enjoying the breeze and talking once again with Fr. Dennis, nourished me. I'm really looking forward to the next time we see him again. Hopefully, very soon.

Hanging out with my old friends, Cecille and Jenny also nourished me as an individual. It made me realize that I don't need to be tough all the time. That I can be an adult and still gush while I talk about my boyfriend... that its ok to share the mushy side of me and still keep my dignity. Hahahaha! It's liberating to actually hear me talk about Ed and my relationship and realize what a lucky woman I am to be with him. Reigniting friendships... That's nourishing...

Yesterday, I spent the whole day with my family. Watching the Federer and Gonzales match is not normally my favorite thing to do... but when you see the two great men in your life enjoying the same thing, you want to be there to witness and relve in it. My Dad and Ed watched the match from start to finish... both of them were just so into the game. Its nice to see them bond even while watching tv. I felt really good... its nourishing...

I miss Elaine though. I still feel that there's something missing but I cannot really force the issue of being with her. There are people who come into your life for a reason, a season, a lifetime. Only time can tell why we met each other and why we don't see eye to eye right now. Maybe one day we will understand and accept each other again completely... hopefully.

Looking back at the weekend, I think it was a pretty good one. Reigniting friendships and being with family... I missed Elaine but only time can tell what is in store for both of us.

'Til the next weekend! :-)