When the sun is setting, it's light reflects on the surface of the water. The sky turns into a subdued orange with the clouds adding texture to an already magnificent canopy. I feel a serenity in my soul. It calms me. It brings balance into my life.
Balance. It's been a long time since that word struck a cord in me. Since I celebrated my 30th birthday, this word has sprung up every now and then.
As I read the word in an article on the day of my birthay, what entered my mind is that I need to start having a balanced diet and hit the gym. I felt a need to take care of my health and part of a more balance diet and excercise regimen, I lessened my smoking to the barest minimum. Thus, I am now on a healthier diet and excercises more than sitting in a coffee shop. I thought, ok... I now have a balanced life.
Little did I know that it's just the beginning. Moving out of my parents' house and living on my own, I have lesser time spent with my family than I had before. Suddenly, I found myself going back home on weekends and terribly missing the times I would sit on the breakfast table and have everyone yakking about what happened to them the night before. Time and again, I have said how important family is to me and yet I spend more time with my friends. I look forward to quality family time with my parents and my siblings now. I'm excited to see them and hear their stories. I try to spend weekends in my parents house just so I can have breakfast with them and hear the annoying high pitched and loud voices every now and then. :-)
I often equated who I am with my career accomplishments. I have worked my ass off since I started working that I am proud of what I have made of my self. Nothing wrong with that as long as it is in moderation. I have noticed though that I put a lot of my self worth with what I have achieved. To the point that I feel worthless when things are not doing well at work. I thought that how people perceive my work is how I should see myself too. I guess at a certain point, I have to accept that things go wrong even if I do my darned best. I will love myself not because of how high up in my career i have reached but because of the kind of person I have become.
From trips to my hobbies to the partying... I'm not one to settle for the mediocre. It has to be grand or extremely different for me to see the joy in it. As I see it, as long as people are amazed at it, then it makes me happy and shows what kind of person I am. Not that I have completely missed the simple things in life. I still enjoy them, but there should be something different all the time to keep it more interesting. It always has to be something new. I get shaken to the core when there are no new things happening in my life. It feels like I live a very uneventful life. Up til these past few days, I have been jolted by the fact that there are times when things can't be grand, when I have to see the beauty in the simple things, extract the beauty out of the routine, enjoy the ordinary. I will still want my grandeur and newness in things but I also need to see the happiness in simplicity without being boring.
Balanced life. As I watch the sunset and the sky becomes dark, I welcome the night time. Finding the excitement in the stillness and peace of the dark. Armed with the realization that I have a wonderful life, blessed by God, there's peace in my life as I listen to the stillness of my soul.
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