Do I really miss him? Yeah... I guess I miss him. Though I don't want to dwell on how I feel... I know I am better off without my past relationships but it just feels comfortable and familiar. When I think of the fun times, I miss him but I can't go through the emotional roller coaster so I should just let this one go... Its been years!!! Man! I should always remember how tired I am of being hurt!
Ok... I admit! I can be a drama queen but this time, no more drama! I'll just take it like it is.
My friend Elaine said that I am masking a depression. Maybe I am, but I am doing the best I can. If my depression is about something I can control, it would have been so much easier! But my sadness (if I really am!) is about not having a love life, I really could not do anything about that, can I?
I am free now to face my bright future. Its just that the memories take the best of me sometimes. The learnings I have had these past years will take me out of the painful memories though. Being in pain for so long have made me want and hope for a better relationship. I deserve that and I know that God will let me have that!
I have been praying for peace and now, I am finally without entanglements. I can see a lot clearer than before and I am not in any dysfunctional relationships... Its just a matter of time before the PLAN is unveiled before my eyes. Do i miss him? Yes... But I do miss having a better "him" too.... Having someone who will truly love and care for me! One day, it will happen! I just know it in my heart!
